World Mental Health and National Coming Out Day
It’s your own journey, don’t be pressurised
I was honoured to take part in a webinar organised by Sarbat and the Gay Indian Network (GIN) on a weekend that marked World Mental Health Day (10 October) and National Coming Out Day (11 October).
We know that LGBTQ+ communities are often more likely to experience mental health struggles, so this weekend was especially poignant for me, and therefore it was an honour to be asked to participate.
While the webinar gave me the opportunity to focus on my own journey, I was very impressed that the panel featured such a diverse range of views from the South Asian community, made up of individuals from different faiths, age groups and from across the LGBTQ+ spectrum. It was also great hearing from Sabrina Court from Delhi, India who gave the perspective of a parent with a gay child.
Coming out to myself was more significant, than deciding who I needed to tell
Reflecting on my own story, I remember growing up in India at the age of 13, and feeling confused about my sexuality. I knew that I could not discuss it with others – there was no language for it, no role models and I knew there would be judgements around the issue. Fast forward ten years and although I still felt lost, I had found the vocabulary to articulate how I was feeling, thanks to the internet – and so began my Coming Out journey. Fast forward another ten years, and I gradually became more confident in my identity as a gay man.
So, for me, Coming Out has definitely been a gradual process, and a journey with its ups and downs, as opposed to a linear story. The acceptance of family – however that may look, has been important – remembering that they too are on their own journey. I also think that my journey is better described by the phrase Inviting In rather than Coming Out!
Sharing my experiences
In terms of sharing my experiences, I would say:
Everyone’s journey and circumstances are different. Don’t feel pressurised to Come Out – you should only do it if, and when, you are ready.
For me, internal recognition has been more important than external validation.
For some people, Coming Out can be very risky because of their circumstances. Try and risk assess the situation - what will the impact be if I Come Out?
Focus on finding support and connections – “invite people in” to your journey, those that you are connected to and who you can trust.
Seek the support of relevant organisations that can help you, so you can build a supportive environment.
How can parents / friends and allies support someone through the Coming Out process?
I think the most important thing is to help the person experience a space of trust and confidentiality. Practice active listening and withholding any judgment will be a great help and support for the person. Let them talk about it on their own terms and hear them out. You won’t know all the answers and that’s OK. Make the other person realise that they are not alone in this and that you’re willing to help them at this uncertain and confusing time.
I would say focus on working through the process together, creating a safe space and always respecting their confidentiality.
It was a well organised event by Kulbir and Shraddha, and it was great sharing the platform with Rahni Kaur Binje, Osman, Sabrina Court, Lokesh Saini and Matt Mahmood-Ogsten - I learnt so much from their own life stories. I just wanted to leave you with some of their tips on what advice they would give to someone considering coming out:
“Make sure you have your support network. Safety is more important than anything else.”
“Be the person you were born to be.”
“Love yourself and be yourself.”
“Be yourself and take care of yourself.”
“Only come out when you are not pressured and are financially and emotionally stable.”
Further resources
Naz and Matt Foundation - charity based in the United Kingdom that tackles homophobia triggered by religious and cultural beliefs
Hidayah - a support group that works with the LGBTQ+ Muslim community
Gay Indian Network (GIN) – connects and supports the LGBTQ+ community of Indian heritage and the wider diaspora
Sarbat - a support group working with the Sikh LGBTQ+ community.